December 5, 2006

  • THE GIFT

    By David Blanchard


    Minister, First Unitarian Universalist Society of Syracuse, New York


    Just last year I mistook a gift for a present. This gift was a homemade potholder woven of colorful scraps of cloth. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t beautiful. It wasn’t particularly unusual. Accepting it as a present, I placed it into service beside the stove.  Four days before Christmas I was called to officiate at a memorial service for a friend. Talking with her five and nine-year-old daughters, I asked what things they liked to remember about their mom. What things did they do together? What had she taught them? They were busy, deep at work on a gift-making project, but they expressed some memories that mattered and recounted some gifts their mother had shared with them:  making cookies…snuggling in bed…being their Brownie leader… planting bulbs. Then the nine-year-old looked down and said, “And she taught us how to make these potholders!” 


    Of course! A Gift! How could I miss it?


    Presents are the sort of things that fit on lists, complete with size and color preference. Presents are the sorts of things we are smart enough to ask for. Gifts are altogether different. We don’t usually think to ask for them, perhaps because we think we don’t deserve them or don’t want to risk expressing the need. Maybe we don’t even recognize the need ourselves.  Gifts differ from presents because no matter what form they take, they always represent something greater, something deeper, something more enduring; they are about things like love, respect, and affirmation.


    Gifts given are often woven into some simple token. And sometimes, protecting our own comfort, we give them in disguise. They can be easy to miss.  Now I try to give more gifts than presents, and without too much camouflage.  Be gift-bearers yourselves. Give them along with presents, and look carefully for the gifts others are trying to give you.

Comments (9)

  • This is such a nice story. Thanks for sharing it and thanks for dropping by. :sunny:

  • oh this is wonderful to read-  I like to give gifts- is this from the new UU magazine? I haven't read mine yet- This time of year I"m definitely missing my UU- i loved singing in the choir- we don't have one here at all... darn it.

  • I'm missing UU too. I'm thinking of going to a different church, one up north of us. I won't try to drag my family along this time. They can come if they ask.

    Love this story. Hey, let's move to Syracuse. Hee. I'm sure that will solve all our problems. :wave:

  • You have to be living under a rock if you have never seen a Christmas Story. Yes, I remember that scene.  Very funny and yes seeing Ethan lying on the floor "helpless" reminded me of that movie.

    You have added a lot to your site. I'm going to catch up with it all tonight and I will write more to you later.

  • Thank you for that story. Gifts are infinitely more precious than presents. I never thought of it that way before!

    Thank you, too for your comments on my blog. You cannot know how much it means to me to get your gift of support. :love:

  • That is lovely, very true and a reminder we all need to hear.  Thanks!

  • Yes, sometimes I think the gifts can get lost in the holiday hubbub.

  • Yes, I am talking about Ms T.  I found a really nice counselor named Linda who is helping me learn about codependence.  So many people think that codependence comes from people in our lives who are alcohics or drug addicts but its not. We become codependence with people in our lives who are in trouble. And I have a teenager who is bi-polar in my life, who I care very deeply for, who is in trouble (even thou she doesn't realize it yet).  So I'm learning how to stop trying to control her life and to take back control of my own.  I have spent so much energy lately being mad at her.  I could have spent that energy on Ethan and John.  And so that is what I'm working on doing.  I have been doing this for years with Tori and I didn't even realize it or how unhealthy it is for both Tori and I. 

  • ryc- oh yah, I changed the setting to Discretion- that is the first time I have messed with the rating system..

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