Hi my friends!!

Long time since I’ve posted anything.  Life has been very full and busy and at times overwhelming. 

I had a heart stress test in December (read about that here).  I was injected with a radioactive type of dye.  One that would “light up” my heart muscle when they scanned it.  Then in January my gynecologist changed one of my prescriptions, which caused me to ache all over and fatigue rather easily.  After 3 weeks of it, I was able to change it back.  However, since that time, I have caught every little bug that my kids have had or been exposed to.  YUCK!  Just keeping up with the mundane everyday things has been quite a challenge.  I believe my immune system was suppressed after receiving the radioactive dye.  I don’t know that for a fact, but it adds up.  I haven’t had strep throat in YEARS and right now I’m taking antibiotics for it.  I’m hoping this will be the last thing I catch!!   Keep your fingers crossed.

The girls are doing well.  Stormy has been performing at concerts and events and contests.  Both Stormy and Lovebug will be performing at the New Genre Festival on March 10th.  You can read more about it here.  I’ll be there helping dress the audience in “costume”.  My only worry — I don’t know what to wear!!!  Whaaa!!

Spring seems to finally have arrived.  Daffodils are blooming around the neighborhood, but not in my yard.  I’m hoping to start planting soon.  I have 10 strawberry plants waiting to be put in bed.  And I’ve been planning, herbs and flowers and a few vegetables.  Unfortunately, I may have to postpone a garden this year.

My sister, who is 13 years my senior, who took me and my brother in to care for us after our parents died, was diagnosed this week with small cell carcinoma.  This is the worst type of lung cancer you can get.  The best odds I have found for this type of cancer is: only 6% of those diagnosed with this type of cancer make it beyond 5 years.  Those are really shitty odds if you ask me.  If you do nothing, you die.  Quickly!  Operation is not an option.  Chemo is recommended.  Clinical trials are highly recommended.  I quote:  “All patients with this type of cancer may appropriately be considered for inclusion in clinical trials at the time of diagnosis.”  At the time of DIAGNOSIS??????  Geez!  That is not encouraging.  I also quote:  “Regardless of stage, the current prognosis for patients with small cell lung cancer is unsatisfactory even though considerable improvements in diagnosis and therapy have been made over the past 10 to 15 years.”  <heavy sigh>

I am mostly numb about this news.  I still don’t really believe it.  I think it will sink in more when we visit the oncologist on Tuesday.  I have been utterly distracted.  I wonder what lesson is awaiting me.  I wonder if I need to begin planning what to do with her estate.  I wonder if this is all worry for not.  I wonder if I am strong enough to have faith. Enough faith. I wonder why this could possibly be happening to us.  To her.  Hasn’t she learned all the hard lessons already?  Haven’t I? 

I will probably be posting more, if for no other reason just to vent.  I don’t even know where to begin on dealing with all of this.  I wonder if anyone does?

Love to all,

Trina

Okay, I promised a rant about having to go to my inlaws for Christmas, but this year I just don’t have it in me. 

Almost every year since I have been married, we have gone to my inlaws for Christmas.  This was okay for the first couple of years, but it had definitely started to wear on me.  As my oldest daughter got older and was really enjoying her gifts, I began dreading the annual trip over to their house.  We would pack up several of her toys, all the gifts to give to the others, any foods we were bringing, coats, hats, mittens — it felt like everything but the kitchen sink was stuffed into the back of our mini-van.  Then of course the unloading upon arrival.  And after what seems like a week (but actually only a day — at most 9 hours), we’d pack it all back up– plus all the new gifts, head home and again unpack it all. 

All of my brothers-in-law are gay.  Each of them are in long term relationships.  Most have been together as long or longer than me and dh have been.  I don’t have the hang-ups that some people do about gay relationships.  Even before I met dh I didn’t have the hang-ups.  I don’t care if it’s a genetic thing or a choice.  It really doesn’t matter.  If they love each other and are happy, then who am I to judge.  Even if they aren’t in love or happy– still who am I to judge.  It’s not my place.  It’s not anyone’s place. 

The only reason I mention this is that none of them have children.  They won’t or can’t adopt. 

My kids are the only kids at Christmas.    And for the first 6 years Stormy was the only kid. 

***imagine a house full of adults– mostly men — who have no idea how to be around kids, who talk inappropriately around kids, who virtually have no interest in playing with the kids — not even a board game — for a whole day.***

In the back of my head I had fantasies of recreating my early childhood memories of Christmas day.  My family traditions.  Come squealing out of my room in pajamas.  Open Santa gifts.  Eat some breakfast.  Open up all the other gifts.  Stay in p.j.s.  Eat some more.  Play with toys.  Play with toys.  Crash on the floor.  Play some more.  Enjoy a yummy turkey dinner.  Play yet some more.  Go to bed with all my new stuff surrounding me in the same p.j.s that I woke up in.  (This fantasy has been tweaked a bit since being an adult and my desire to romanticize Christmas with my whole family.  But it’s my fantasy so I get to do that!)

This year I had asked my mil to come to our house for dinner.  She would have none of it.  Insisting she loves having us all over to their home, blah, blah, blah.  Okay, I said, but we’ve already ordered a heritage turkey and was planning on having it.  She still insisted, so to keep peace, I said okay, we’d love to come over.

I’ve been talking with a woman (I’ll call her C.) at church for a few weeks about this dilemma .  She’s a much older women, having raised 4 boys alone after divorcing her alcoholic husband. Having several grandchildren, been through it all — I look to her for guidance.  Finally, on Christmas Eve, she says to me, “you know, the grandchildren really count on tradition.”  What?  She’s betraying me!!  But no.  I was jolted into reality.  My kids ALREADY have a tradition.  It’s not my tradition of old.  It’s a new one.  One that my kids look forward to each and every year.  THEY love going to Grandma’s house for Christmas.

So this year, my attitude changed.  Overnight!  I actually looked forward to being there.  And once there, I actually enjoyed myself.  We still stayed too long, but it was okay.  (I’ll talk with dh about my need to leave earlier — just an hour or so earlier.)  So C. saved Christmas for my family.  If only I had clued into this earlier.  My husband’s parents won’t always be able to give us this gift — they are getting up in years.  And what a wonderful gift they’ve given us.  A tradition that my kids will carry with them and hopefully want to continue with their kids.  So you know what that means?  They’ll want to come home for Christmas with their own kids.  How cool is that?

So, many thanks go out to C. and to my inlaws.  What wonderful, wonderful gifts I have received.

 Each night a child is born
is a holy night –
A time for singing,
A time for wondering,
A time for worshipping.

This quote by Sophia Lyon Fahs really says it all.  She is considered the “grandmother” of Unitarian Universalist Religious Education.

Wishing you all a happy, warm, loving, peaceful and healthful holiday. 

I need new jeans.  I put on my old jeans yesterday and realized I can pull them down over my hips with them zipped and buttoned.  When that happens to my girls – that’s when I know their pants are too big for them.  So it’s just gotta be true for me too.  Besides, they were so bagging they were an honest-to-goodness trip hazard!

Yesterday, we went to the Dentist and was killing time before we went to the Chiropractor.  I suggested we go to Target to look for some last minute gifts for Daddy and get me some jeans.  So we hit the women’s section first so I can look for jeans.  I find all kinds of jeans, but they are all medium or long in length.  Well my inseam is about 30″ on a really good day – so I ask an employee where are all the petite’s.  She says “Target does not carry petites”.  I’m thinking she doesn’t understand what petite means — I know I didn’t for a very long time — and she was maybe 18-20.  As she is looking at Stormy I tell her it’s not small sizes, but shorter length.  She sticks to her guns and says “Target does not carry them – I just hem mine up”.  WHAT???  Does Target not know they are missing a huge part of the market?  I just couldn’t believe it.  I still don’t.  Later today, they WILL be getting a letter from me.  So there.

Well I get over to the men’s department, but by this time we were all tired of being in the store, but I did see they sell the men’s jeans by size (??X30).  I no longer had the heart to make the girls wait while I figured out what jeans fit.  So we left Target jeanless.

Still needing to kill time we came across a thrift store.  I found a great pair of jeans — looking brand new for $2.99.  They fit perfectly.  SCORE!  Okay, they are really a little bit long, but for $3 I’m willing to take the time and hem them up.  The thought of spending $20 + for jeans and then having to take additional time to hem them up just kills me!

Am I alone here??

When I went for the stress test last week and talking with my cardiologist about my “accidental” cholesterol test.  We decided to try a drug called Niaspan to raise the HDL (the good cholesterol).  It’s a slow release Niacin (vitamin B3).  Since it is a huge does –500mg– there are some side effects associated with it.  One is called flushing.  When the Dr. described it to me it sounded kind of like a hot flash — at worst.  (You women know what I mean when I say hot flash!)  Reading the literature also made me think it was like a hot flash.  You know, hot around the neck and face area.   So, I’ve been taking the meds for a week now and no reactions.  I thought perhaps, the possible side effects are exaggerated as usual. 

Have you ever watched one of those shows about spontaneous human combustion?  Well this morning at about 3:00 a.m. I woke up and felt like I was on FIRE.  I jumped up out of bed, so that I wouldn’t catch the whole house on fire!! Holy Hell! From my ears down to my thighs was on fire!  Or at least it felt like it.   I was relieved once I got to the bathroom to see that I was indeed NOT on fire.  That my skin was not melting off my body.  And that I was gonna be okay.  The whole “flushing” lasted less than 5 minutes, but what a horrible sensation.  And of course I just used the last of the samples a couple of days ago and purchased a 34 day supply of those suckers! (I don’t know why they gave me 34 days).  And they ain’t cheap!

Okay, I’ve reread what not to do before taking Niaspan and perhaps it IS my fault that I felt like I was going to combust.  I had a cup of hot tea before I took the meds.  Well, I won’t be doing that again.  Drinking hot drinks causes vasodilation.  Vasodilation is when the tiny capillaries that are near the surface of the skin open up wider.  Niaspan apparently also does this. 

Lesson learned.  Goodbye camomile tea before bed. 

12/23/06 EDITED to add:  It must have indeed been the hot tea.  No Human Combustion happenings last night!  Yippee!!

Supplies

Template (see below – mouse ears should measure 2″ wide X 5″ long — if you can’t get it to print properly message me and I’ll email it to you)
Scissors
Tacky glue that dries clear – drying clear is important.
Two different colors of felt (pictured are green and red with tinsel)
4 mm wiggle eyes
5 mm mini pom-poms
Thin string or wire to make whiskers (pictured is carpet warp). Use what you have on hand. I’ve used jewelry wire, thread and other types of string.  What’s important is that it isn’t too bulky.
Candy canes to match felt colors.

Directions

1. Gather supplies.
   1a. Transfer template to cardboard (I use old file folders). Cut out.


2. Trace templates onto felt. Ears on one color, mouse body on other.


3. Cut out body and ears.


4. Fold the point of the mouse nose up to where the fold is at about 1/3 of the body (see template line). Cut two vertical slits about ¼” – ½” apart. The slit should be about ¼”- ½”. You may have to sacrifice the first one to get a feel for where exactly the slits should go and how big they should be. It’s okay if they aren’t perfect!


5. Fold the mouse body lengthwise in half. Cut a ¼”- ½” slit at “tail” end of the mouse. This is where you will slide the candy cane in. (see template line)


6. A small pair of hands helps with the next couple of steps. Glue the whiskers, then pom-pom on the point of the mouse body.


7. Glue the eyes on next.


8. Let glue dry. It doesn’t have to be completely dry – just dry enough not to have all you work move around.
   8a. Fold the ears lengthwise and insert in the two slits. Down on one side and up on the other.
   8b. This step is kind of tricky – keep at it! I know you can do it! With your mouse facing up, slide the straight end of the candy cane through the top of the “tail” slit. Now flip your mouse over (eyes facing down). See the back of the ears? Slide your candy cane under the back of the ears. Now adjust until your mouse looks “right”.


9. Enjoy all of your lovely mice.

Feel free to print and share these photos, but please don’t use the pictures or pattern commercially.  Message me if you have any questions.

It’s here!! Winter solstice and the first day of winter break.  That means I have my girls home.  Hooray. 

They’ve let me know how mean I am though — and they are right — I scheduled their semi-annual dental appointment for this morning.  First day of break and they have to go to the dentsist.  Aww.  It’ll be fine.  Just a routine cleaning for both and X-rays for one.  Then they get to go out for a Jamba Juice.  The sweet rewards for putting up with me. 

Lovebug and I made these cute little mice to hand to her classmates.  I’ll post instructions later today.  Don’t worry, there is still time to make them.  They work up pretty quick.  Unless of course you need to make about 50!!  But if you only need a few, you can get them done in less than an hour.  Her classmates loved them.  What surprised me is none of the children immediately took out the candy cane to eat it. 

Mice directions (found here)
Top 10 Reasons NOT to have a heart attack
My rant about having to spend Christmas day at my in-laws (I bet you are looking forward to that one!) (found here)
What it’s like to endure a Stress Test

Have a wonderful day y’all!  And don’t forget to call the Sun back tonight.  We’ll be making all kinds of noise this evening and putting out home made bird feeders for all the “snow angels” and drinking hot cocoa by the chimenea.  Woo Hoo!!

I’ve been busy finishing up all the christmas shopping and making and wrapping and giving and mailing and . . . . whew! Every year about this time I always swear that I will not wait until December to do all of this –and damn it I mean it this year!

My stress test was a huge success!! My cardiologist came in and said “Your ejection fraction rate is Lance Armstrong good!!” I felt udder joy. Then immediately said “That’s great, but what does it meaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn?? “

The ejection fraction is how well your heart squirts the blood through your heart. They look for percentages between 45% and 65%. Are you ready for this? Mine was 71%!! She said she has only seen one higher and he was a little fellow who played soccer all the time. His was 80%. Can you believe it? I am still on cloud 9. This is the very best news I have had in a very long time. Before leaving the cardiologists office she said to me, “Fly little bird fly! You can do anything you want!”

Dearhubby and I went to his work Christmas party on Friday. I got all dressed up and felt like a million bucks. When we went last year, there was a lady who works with Chris who was obviously intoxicated and obnoxious. My sister who is 13 years my senior also works there. Well this lady says to me last year “You must be the oldest of you two” I was so shocked — and pissed! Never ever have I been mistaken as older than her. I knew she was kissing up to my sister, but that didn’t make it feel any better!! Well anyway, I felt vindicated this year. I looked great and I looked “young”. No mistaking me for an older lady this year. So there!! HA!

This year at the party I met a woman who retired as an ER nurse and now works in acidemia teaching nursing at a local university. She (and everyone else) was asking how I was doing. I told her about my stress test and as I shared the results her eyes flew wide open. She confirmed what my cardiologist said, that 71% was a great result. She said that anyone in the room would be hard pressed to get even close to that.

I am simply amazed. And full of gratitude.

As soon as I get another moment — I’ll tell ya the details of the stress test. It was a hoot.

Happy Holidays!!

I don’t know what possessed me to agree to a stress test right before dh’s birthday and Christmas . . .

It’s been three months and 17 days since my heart attack.  The test is coming up rather quickly on Wednesday.  This is where they are going to stress my heart to see how well it’s functioning.  I’m a bit anxious.  This is the most important test I’ve ever had to take and I don’t want to fail.  At least this is how I’m feeling.  I don’t think I can really “fail” this test.  I don’t think anyone could. 

It’s actually called a Thallium myocardial perfusion.  Sounds scary doesn’t it?  “Myocardial Perfusion Imaging stress test is usually done in Nuclear Medicine Departments.”  NOW does it sound scary?  Well I think so.  The plan is I’ll exercise, they’ll inject my veins with dye and see if it flows to my heart like it’s supposed to.  Then they will do it again after a couple hours of rest.  If my blood is flowing to my heart like it does in yours – I pass.  Yippee!!  If not, I’ll have some more work to do. 

I guess the only way to fail is to die from another heart attack right then and there — which IS NOT going to happen. 

There will be doctors there to monitor every move I make.  So no worries!!

I’ve been eating well and exercising at least 5 days a week.  My weight has stabilized for now.  I’m not loosing anymore, nor am I gaining.  I’m alright with this for now.  It’s been hard to be 100% since Thanksgiving.  After Christmas, all the snacky stuff will be out of the house and I’ll get back on track. 

There is a cardio machine at the Y called a elliptical crossramp that I’ve been using. For you techies out there it’s a Precor EFX 524i.   OMG!!  I can’t tell if it’s more like running or snow skiing, but either way, I’ve increased my cardio output by a lot.  I was at a place on the treadmill that I couldn’t push myself anymore without running.  I’m worried I will hurt my knees or my back if I run.   Today I did the treadmill for 10 minutes (5 to warm up and 5 to cool down) and the cross ramp for 26 min!!  WOW!!   My butt is gonna look great at some point!!   

Keep me in your thoughts on Wednesday afternoon and send “flowing” thoughts my way.  I’ll check back in later and let you know how it went. 

By David Blanchard

Just last year I mistook a gift for a present. This gift was a homemade potholder woven of colorful scraps of cloth. It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t beautiful. It wasn’t particularly unusual. Accepting it as a present, I placed it into service beside the stove.  Four days before Christmas I was called to officiate at a memorial service for a friend. Talking with her five and nine-year-old daughters, I asked what things they liked to remember about their mom. What things did they do together? What had she taught them? They were busy, deep at work on a gift-making project, but they expressed some memories that mattered and recounted some gifts their mother had shared with them:  making cookies…snuggling in bed…being their Brownie leader… planting bulbs. Then the nine-year-old looked down and said, “And she taught us how to make these potholders!” 

Of course! A Gift! How could I miss it?

Presents are the sort of things that fit on lists, complete with size and color preference. Presents are the sorts of things we are smart enough to ask for. Gifts are altogether different. We don’t usually think to ask for them, perhaps because we think we don’t deserve them or don’t want to risk expressing the need. Maybe we don’t even recognize the need ourselves.  Gifts differ from presents because no matter what form they take, they always represent something greater, something deeper, something more enduring; they are about things like love, respect, and affirmation.

Gifts given are often woven into some simple token. And sometimes, protecting our own comfort, we give them in disguise. They can be easy to miss.  Now I try to give more gifts than presents, and without too much camouflage.  Be gift-bearers yourselves. Give them along with presents, and look carefully for the gifts others are trying to give you.

This is the best spinach dip I’ve ever had.  After all the refreshment serving this weekend, I was feeling kind of snacky.  I didn’t dare eat any of the junk I was serving.    While relaxing on the sofa, I said out loud “I feel like chips and dip”.  Next thing I hear is the food processor whirling.  Dh made it for me last night.  Isn’t he the sweetest!!

Spinach Dip

Makes 13 (3 Tablespoon each) servings

2 cloves garlic
4 scallions, cut into 2 inch lengths (he used chopped onion)
One 10 ounce package frozen spinach, cooked according to package directions
         He also added a small handful of uncooked fresh spinach
1 T lemon juice (he used lime)
1/8 t ground nutmeg
1/4 t ground coriander
1 t kosher salt (he omitted this)
1/4 t freshly ground pepper
1/4 t Tabasco sauce (optional) (we used pepper sauce — out of Tabasco)
1 cup lowfat sour cream
1/2 cup nonfat yogurt  (he used 1 1/2 cups of nonfat yogurt and omitted the sour cream because we didn’t have any on hand)
        He added about 2-3 T or about a 1/4 cup (eyeball it) of lowfat mayo (real mayo — not miracle whip)

1. Mince the garlic and scallions in the food processor.

2. Squeeze the excess moisture out of the spinach.  Pulse the spinach in with the garlic and scallions.  Add next 6 ingredients and puree.  Pulse in the sour cream and yogurt until smooth.

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Next time we make this we will use yogurt cheese (very easy to make) in place of the lowfat sour cream.  We’ll try it without the mayo — he added the mayo only to try and thicken the dip.  The yogurt we use is from a local farmer and it’s always on the thin side.  I don’t mind it normally, but it really made a difference for this dip.

 Enjoy!!